I am speaking of my work wife of course (that is her picture on the left). It turns out that I had a previous marriage (that I also had no idea about) that ended when Advanta closed and that particular wife got married for real. But when I last spoke to that former wife, she says that we are still married and the current work wife is just a usurper.
Yes, it does sound ridiculous. Thanks for understanding.
I have no idea where the work spouse idea came from or how it was that I ended up married. There were no drugs or shotguns involved, and I understand that those are the normal tools used in getting someone to marry. I know for a fact that I have not had sex with either of these women, but I hear that is normal for married folk, so I can’t really site that as a precedent. What I can say is that my current wife situation at least happened gradually.
I first met her during my interview for where I work now. She was very professional in her introduction, and had a nice smile. She only asked me a couple of questions and then she talked... a lot. It was all information about the job, not just idle chit chat. And since she is gorgeous, she could have been telling me I had two hours to live for all I cared.
After I got the job, I learned that she sat right behind me. This would have been great if I had plans to try and “talk” to her, but I had no grand designs on making her mine or anything stupid like that. She was friendly and funny and despite my already knowing several people that worked here it was good to have someone close by that I could ask questions. As the weeks and months went on I got to know her better and began to consider her a friend. We did what friends and co-workers do; spot one another for lunch, grab a soda or something from the vending machine for the other person and take occasional cheap shots when joking around, nothing out of the norm. For the longest time I thought she was dating someone else in the office since they were so close. I had no idea she was seeing someone outside of work. But at some point after I was introduced to the long term boyfriend something happened...
One day she asked me for money to get chips or candy so I gave it her like normal. But instead of just “thanks” it was “thanks honey”. Didn’t really think anything of it but the honey began to be accompanied by I love you then next thing I know the word husband entered the mix. If I bought another woman something and not her I got yelled at in English and Spanish. I had no idea when things changed... and I also learned that there was no way out. It was like I had been inducted into the CIA or the mob... I was in this until my death. If she needs money, she comes over and just puts her hand out. She tells me when she is hungry and I am supposed to fix that. When she wants to go out to get something to eat for breakfast or lunch she comes to my desk and says “come on I’m hungry”. If I am talking or walking with another woman and she sees me she asks (loudly)” what are you doing with that heifer?” Of course, the yelling is just her way of kidding around. I know that she could care less as to whom I talk to, walk with or any of that. I also hope that the way she asks for money is her joking too, because if not I need someone to help de-program me, and quickly.
I suppose that as fake marriages go, things could be worse. But I could still do with less fake sex. If I could get that changed this might be the best marriage ever.
No comments:
Post a Comment