On occasion, I have trouble sleeping. The bouts of restlessness are infrequent, but sometime after the sleep returns, I have 1 of 2 recurring nightmares.
The first one that I will mention is basically me versus the Devil. I have never been a religious person, so the notion of God and the Devil was not something I have ever really concerned myself with. Satan was just another monster, or an excuse people used to blame the evil deeds of people on something supernatural.
In my dream, I am sometimes able to escape Old Scratch, but most of the time I am caught. I can sometimes force myself awake after looking into his face (which doesn't look like your typical Satan from the movies but is always different and monstrous) or hearing his voice (a high pitched "soul shattering" almost mechanical whine). In these dreams I am always abandoned by family and friends. There is no help for me, I have no one to turn to. I am left to face whatever it is that happens to me, alone. When I do wake up my body aches, as if I was in a physical fight and I have a headache for the remainder of that day.
In the other dream, I am in love with a woman whose face I am never able to see. She has fair skin, and dark hair (usually short). When I am with her I am blissfully happy, happier than I have ever been. I know that this woman accepts me, flaws and all; she loves me unconditionally. She would do anything for me, and I would do anything for her. We argue, but there is never any malice or vindictiveness. We just want the best for one another and won't allow the other to settle for less. As that feeling of love really washes over me, it is at that point I wake up.
The details of the dream fades, and as the full weight of that realization that "it was all a dream" hits me; I am alone, there is no special woman in my life. The dream was a tease, a lie. There was no happiness, it never existed. And as that truth settles in, it crushes me.
Each and every time.
Earlier this week, I had another issue sleeping, being awake for about 2 days. Sleep finally came (in the form of a few hrs) which is about normal for me. So I know that one of the dreams is coming, if history is any indication.
The question is, which one?
No comments:
Post a Comment