"This is nothing like a porn convention."

This past Saturday, I went to my first video game convention, excuse me, "expo". Along with 2 friends, we thought that this would be a fun day of sights, both old and new and perhaps hours of fun. Of all the coverage that things like CES (Consumer Electronics Show) or E3 (Electronic Entertainment Expo) would get, our expectations were high.

Turns out, our expectations were too high.

We were expecting to see new games that were slated to be released this year or early next, a bunch of people huddled together, trying out hundreds (or at least dozens) of demos of the new games, developers endlessly hawking their wares for consoles and PC's. But that was not to be. The only new game demos were for Sega's Bayonetta and EA's God of War clone Dante's Inferno, both being released for the Xbox 360 and the Playstation 3. There was also a new game for the PC, Warhammer Online but that was the extent of the games coming your way this holiday season or for early 2010.

There were consoles set up at this thing, they were just kind of spread out and playing random things. The newest available game that I could see was Batman: Arkham Asylum, and that was released in August. Uncharted 2: Among Thieves was recently released for the Playstation 3 and has been highly regarded as the game of the year, but I never saw it there. Maybe it was there, over by the Jedi. Oh, you heard that right; the Jedi. This group of Jedi to be specific. Why are Jedi at a video game convention, but not a Star Wars game in sight? I thought that they were all wiped out. And why did the Jedi have a table? They were not selling anything. The Army was there too, doing recruitment and had a game of Halo running in the background. It would have made more sense for the Army to be running Call of Duty 4 or even their own game since the Army has that now. I guess the Jedi were competing with the Army for recruits. Both were getting the same amount of table visits: none.

I did meet a budding artist there. He was hoping that his creation might get picked up as an animated series. Personally his art style was not for me, as it looked like a comic book that was drawn by an 8 year old. A slightly talented 8 year old, but one that knew nothing of how the human anatomy worked, or how bodies were put together. Also, the story looked to be a mix of Thundercats, Mortal Kombat and the Lion King. All of that together is not a good thing. Hell, Thundercats alone is not a good thing. But the man has his dreams and I wish him well.

There was a classic game section there, but it was run by a church, and afraid of being told I would be saved by playing Ms. Pac-Man, I stayed away from that section. The kids that were trapped there looked like they wanted to be free from that section too, but were stuck because of the parents. I bet the parents saw the big Dante's Inferno display and steered the kids to the older game section. Good thing too, as the demo on display was for the Lust level.

QVC was there, hawking a bunch of accessories for the Nintendo Wii. Whether this took place or not, one can only hope. One day people will realize that you don't need a bunch of sports accessories for the Wii's controller. Some stuff may be fun to have, but you don't have to go nuts.

All in all the day the expo was hideous. I wasn't able to find any of the old games that I was looking for, and one of my friends wondered if this is what a porn convention would have been like. The 3 of us left, dejected and feeling more than a little dirty, possibly like we would have having left that porn convention. The highlight of the entire day was being able to see my friends (one I hadn't seen in years) and eating lunch at the Brick House. Eating there makes everything better.

Public Service Announcment

The new season of the Venture Bros will debut October 18th at midnight on Cartoon Network. If you used to watch the show and have missed some of the greatness, it can be purchased here. If you are unsure as to what the show is like, you can sample some of the awesomeness right here.

Marvel Ultimate Alliance 2 Review

Marvel Ultimate Alliance 2 (played on the Playstation 3)
Available for the Playstation 3, Xbox 360 and the Nintendo Wii
Players: 1-4
Published by Activision

Marvel Ultimate Alliance 2 is the sequel to 2006's Marvel Ultimate Alliance. This time, you are (mostly) playing through two storylines from the comics: Secret War and Civil War. Before its release, the game's developers Vicarious Visions announced that this time the game would be following the popular Civil War storyline, but ultimately the game was a bit of a letdown, in so much as if you played the prior title (or X-Men Legends or X-Men Legends II) there is a distinct feel of been there, done that. This is not to say that the game was bad, just maybe a little too familiar.
You start off with the crew of Iron Man, Captain America ,Wolverine and Spider-Man who are currently being led on a secret mission by the head of S.H.I.E.L.D, Nick Fury. The 5 are currently in Latveria operating only on Fury's word that they need to be there. This mission is essentially the training level and set up leading to the drafting of the Super Hero Registration Act. It is not until the super hero group called the New Warriors botch the capture of a super villain (during the live broadcast of their reality TV show) that the Act becomes law, and divides the heroes. Here the player will have to choose a side: go with Iron man and the Pro-Registration heroes, or tell the government to suck it, and side with Captain America and the rebels. ***Spoiler Ahead!!***The game sticks close to the premise of the Civil War storyline, but suddenly deviates from it to a lame one note villain, put there simply for the purpose of bringing heroes back together. ***End Spoiler***

Depending on whose side you choose to take will determine the heroes (and villains) that you have access to through the majority of the game. This by no means dilutes the selection of good heroes however. It just means that you will have to wait a bit to control Mr. Fantastic if you sided with Captain America. No matter which side you choose, you will have access to the new combo this time out, which are the fusions. These are the combination of two characters powers, which when unleashed do a pretty good amount of damage. The powers fall into 3 categories: Clearing Fusions, Targeted Fusions and Guided Fusions. With the amount of heroes to control in the game (25), there are multiple combinations that you can try out, but some of the fusion animations are pretty similar. The game does support online play, so you can get three other buddies and hero it up.

The problem that this game could not overcome (for me) was escaping the feeling that I had done all of this once before. Once again you are in the 3/4 top down format, following your four chosen heroes as you pound on generic soldiers and then participate in a boss battle against another hero or villain (or group of heroes or villains) on the other side, just like in the previous entries. Powering up your heroes is still done by collecting experience from your victories, answering trivia questions and collecting the odd hidden power up icon. The "If it ain't broke" axiom may apply in most cases, but I am beginning to see cracks in the structure. And if there is a Marvel Ultimate Alliance 3, (possibly following the Skrull Invasion storyline), Vicarious Visions may need to do a little more than the option of combining powers to save the franchise.

Final Verdict: A good rental, that will fill a good 8-10 hours if only going through it once. Not a hard game by any means. Decent graphics though not groundbreaking. The Civil War storyline is here in spirit, but has been changed from the comics, and not in a good way. Overall, I'd give the game 3 stars out of 5.

Summer Movie Opinion

The Summer Movie Season of 2009 is now over, and there were some fun movies out there. I would like to say that I enjoyed all of the movies that I saw, but that would be lying. Of the 10 pictures that I sat through, 8 were good, enough that I could see owning them (and of those 8, 3 are “must buys”). The other 2 movies were just not good, seen out of curiosity and nothing else. One of those movies I was merely let down. The other was possibly one of the worst movies I have ever seen.

First the Good:

Star Trek: easily the best movie of the summer. You didn’t have to be a Trekkie to love this flick; there was no prior knowledge of the Trek universe needed to enjoy this movie. Yes it would help in some cases, but going in cold you would have been fine. The movie was fun and paced beautifully. Anyone that wants to do a re-boot of anything needs to watch this movie to see how it’s done. Cast with only a couple of major stars (Eric Bana, Lenoard Nimoy and Simon Pegg to name 3) and the rest of the cast filled with lesser known actors, this was almost the perfect movie? What would have made it better? More of it.

Inglourious Basterds: This is Quentin Tarantino’s best movie to date. The film has about as much action as his previous best picture, Pulp Fiction so if you enjoyed that you have an idea what to expect. Basterds also has the best movie villain of the summer if not the year in Col. Hans Landa, played by Christoph Waltz. He alone is well worth the price of admission.

District 9: I was not sure what to expect when I went into this movie. The ads didn’t really give me much, and I am not really one for the viral marketing thing. But my curiosity got the better of me so I went to see this, and I was glad that I did. Not total science fiction and not total government conspiracy picture either, but a mix of the 2 that worked a lot better than I would have expected. This had to be the most pleasant surprise of the summer.

The Hurt Locker: This movie was good for one thing, and that was the tension that it produced. A movie filled with just good actors (no Clooney, no Pitt etc) there was always the purveying fear that anyone could die at any time. And when dealing with film a about a bomb disposal unit in Iraq, that is the precise tension that is needed in a film like this. Great performances and a different look at something besides combat made this a fun, if sobering film to watch.

Public Enemies: Johnny Depp as the bank robber John Dillinger, Christian Bale as the FBI agent Melvin Purvis, both of them directed by Michael Mann. How could you not go see this and like it?

Transformers - Revenge of the Fallen: While this movie was not as good as the first one, it was still great fun. And sometimes fun is all you need from a summer movie. The premise was a simple one (giant robots blow crap up) and even had bonus eye candy (Megan Fox laying of stuff, Megan Fox walking around…). I think that a lot of people were expecting more from this movie than what it was: an action picture that was based on a children’s toy. If you were looking for the meaning of life, this was the wrong film to find it. If you were just looking for a good time, then director Michael Bay delivered again.

The Hangover: The movie was hilarious. They took a simple premise (guys going to Las Vegas for a bachelor party) and mined gold out of it. Not as quotable as the legendary Anchorman or even Talladega Nights but still great fun. There are plans for a sequel (and due to its financial success, blatant rip-offs) and those films will have a lot to live up to. I doubt that lightning can strike twice, but I am glad that I was there the first time.

Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince: Another solid entry in the Harry Potter franchise. Each chapter of the story gets a little darker as the kids get older, and that only makes sense. If you have not read the books and are only familiar with the movies, then all of the twists and character fates will be a great surprise to you. For those of us that have already read the books, we know may already know what’s coming but it is still an enjoyable ride.

The Bad:

Terminator - Salvation: A missed opportunity. This could have been good, maybe even great. Hell I would have settled for just silly fun, but that was not to be. This felt more like a movie that should have been on the Sci-Fi (excuse me, SyFy) channel, instead of a summer “blockbuster“. The movie was just flat, and that is not a description that should be given for an action picture.

And the Hideous:

G.I. Joe - The Rise of COBRA: This was not only the worst movie that I have seen all summer, but the worst movie that I have seen all year. A combination of curiosity and self-loathing got me to go and see this movie I suppose. The lesson that I learned was that it is better to sit at home and do nothing than to just go to the movies to just go. Please know that I am not one of the fan-boys who believe in the purity of the ‘80’s cartoon or someone who was looking for a gritty R rated movie. I would have just liked a good movie, and this was not it. It is possible that I was not the target audience. Wherever that audience was, I have no idea. But they are missing a movie and someone needs to get it to them. Quickly.

Steve - Conclusion

By this point, it’s been a really long day.

The General wanted me to be some kind of secret weapon for him (see, I told you that scientists and the military were not good). He told me that if I was a true patriot, that I would just man up and do my duty. I asked him if that speech ever worked for anyone and what did he know about my uncle. The general just looked at me and told me that he’d tell me everything that he knew, but I had to go with him. I decided that I didn’t want to know that bad, so I turned around again and started to walk away. He didn’t chase after me or even have the soldiers that stayed with him try to shoot me in the back. It’s not like it would have done any good anyway.

I was Death. How do you kill Death?

On my walk away from the General, I saw the other soldiers that carried War away loading him into a helicopter. The scientist that told me how lucky I was and all that was there with them, and he looked over at me. He didn’t say anything (which was good, because I was too far away to hear it and the helicopter was pretty loud) but I could see his face. He was afraid when he looked at me. The first time he saw me, he was fascinated, but now I could see fear in his face.

Wonder what that means?

I watched to helicopter fill with the remaining soldiers and lastly the General, whose face had not fear on it, but maybe contempt, I guess. I’m sure that eh was mad because I didn’t choose to go with him and be whatever it was he wanted me to be. But I didn’t really care. I needed to figure out what I was going to do, why hitting War felt so good and so wrong, and what was I going to do about the other two Horsemen? Should I do anything?

That was 15 year ago.

Now, I am a 27 year old fighting not only the army, but 3 other Horseman of the Apocalypse. At some point over the years, War tracked down the other 2 and got them to join the cause. How the General is keeping them form “the work” is anyone’s guess. Maybe I’m more of an issue than I thought. I moved out to the desert to avoid as much loss of life as possible. I found out over the years that I can be killed, but it has to be done by all three of the other Horsemen. The army is in on the fight mostly because the General has the President’s ear and her being a religious nut, I have been branded not only a terrorist, but a threat to the American way of life and God himself, and must be “eradicated from all planes of existence” as the President has been saying for the last few years. I figured out that I initially felt wrong about my fight with War due to us being related in a way. But just because we were related, both forces of nature or agents of chaos, it didn’t matter. I already had one dysfunctional family and I was not going to be a part of another one.

They managed to track me down again, just like they always do. The 3 Horsemen stopped talking to me as much as they used to. No more speeches, just violence. They attack, the army attacks, there are explosions, screams the whole nine. It all ends up looking like a Michael Bay movie. I win enough to get away, find some other desert hole to hide in, and they lick their wounds, track me down and we do it all again.
I don’t know why I haven’t killed them yet. I know that I can, but on some level, I guess I am just having too much fun.

end

Steve - Part 6

Punching War felt wonderful and confusing all at the same time. It was like smacking your sister or hitting your brother; sure it felt good and relieved some stress, but you knew it was wrong.

I didn’t like the fact that hitting him felt wrong.

My punch didn’t knock him 500 feet away and through a building, or miles into the air. It did lift him off his feet and put him on his back, about a foot away. I took this as a good sign; as long as I could knock this guy down, I had a fighting chance.

But if I won the fight with him, what was I going to do then?

War looked up at me like I just told him that there was no Santa. There was genuine hurt in his eyes, mixed with “why?” In the back of my head, I was wondering why too, and did register a little hurt.

But more than hurt there was anger. There was a lot of anger.

War got up and backed away from me. I didn’t move forward, since I was kinda curious if he had something to say about what I had just done. He asked me why I hit him, why would I turn my back on what is, in his words, a glorious post and boon to humanity. I told him that I didn’t ask for this, no one consulted me… I was just told “Here, do this.” I told War that I was happy when he killed me, happy that my horrible life was over. I didn’t have to wake up everyday and continue to hate myself, to feel the disappointment I had become to my family, my friends. I told him that he took the one decision that I had made and that I was happy with, my decision to just stop fighting and die; he took that away from me. And in taking that away, also tells me that I was born to some higher purpose, which was killing people that may have actually been happy in their lives, who did nothing to deserve being wiped out? Fuck you, Steve.

War looked at me wide eyed and mouth agape. He said that he couldn’t believe that I would turn my back on my family. He barely got that sentence out before I moved on him again, plunging my right fist into his gut. He doubled over and I hit him in the side of his head, staggering him. I stayed on him, figuring that I would just continue to hit him until I got tired. But I never got tired. I just kept punching away, dropping War to his knees. I grabbed a fistful of his hair in my left hand, and with my right, just wailed on his face, as fast and hard as I could. I eventually stopped hitting him, mostly because I heard guns being cocked behind me. I let go of his hair and War fell to the ground, unconscious. I looked over to see the General and his soldiers, guns aimed in the direction of War and me, and I just waited. I didn’t know how long they had been standing there, what they may have heard or what they planned to do now. The General had his left arm raised, which I guess is what kept the soldiers from firing on us. After looking at me for a bit, he lowered his arm slowly, and the soldiers lowered their guns.

The General walked over to me, and patted me on the shoulder, just like War had. He told me that I did an excellent job, and that I should be proud. I asked him how much did he see, and he told me that he saw all of it, heard all of it.

He told me that he wanted to talk to me about my future.

I had no desire to talk about my future. I turned away from the general, and started to walk. He was yelling how I would be a secret weapon for our country, could use abilities for the greater good, that my uncle would have wanted this.

That’s when I stopped. I never told anyone about what my uncle said to me in (possible) relation to this… mess that my life quickly became. I looked at the General, accusing him of knowing more than he let on. He just looked at me and smiled…

end part 6

Poetic Interlude

Brad’s Lament

As I watched her walk across the room,
Better I thought that she travel by broom.

Never before had I encountered such a witch,
A good way to describe her would be to call her a bitch.

Always yelling and screaming about this and that,
Oh, how I’d love to silence her with a swing of my bat!

Her horrid eyes always seeking and judging,
Man, with this pipe, would I give her a bludgeoning!

Her fingers long and bony, with nails sharp as razors,
I’d shoot her, but there is a chance that the bullet would only graze her...

Her voice painful and shrill like a nails on glass,
I can’t take any more, to the oven and the gas!!!

She wasn’t always so horrid; I know but it’s true,
My Beulla was a beauty once, believe me I beseech you!

Our marriage was very formal and the turnout was massive,
The guests well behaved, the children in attendance also quite passive.

Our vows we had written, her voice like a song,
When in the nine hells did everything go wrong!?

The first year was bliss the second and third one too,
Then suddenly the wheels fell off the bus, what was I to do?

She was demanding and mean, a tornado of rage and gloom,
I was too weak to leave, the ring I wore sealed my doom.

Perhaps this was a phase? Maybe my darling Beulla would return?
I used to think that often, as per orders the homemade butter I would churn.

Don’t get me wrong, I tried to leave once, but Beulla tracked me down,
The price I paid was a hammer to the knee, and again to my crown!

But I still plan an escape, she can not hold me forever,
My new plan is foolproof, and also a little clever.

I can not tell you now, for Beulla is always listening, her ears ever alert,
And a shortened life is what I would love to avert!

So if a man grinning from ear to ear, in tattered garb you see,
It means you are looking at the one who escaped vile Beulla, that’s right it’s me!!!

But if you hear a cry in the night then know my plan failed,

And another 40 years will I spend in this marriage, jailed…