The Stuff of Nightmares

On occasion, I have trouble sleeping. The bouts of restlessness are infrequent, but sometime after the sleep returns, I have 1 of 2 recurring nightmares.

The first one that I will mention is basically me versus the Devil. I have never been a religious person, so the notion of God and the Devil was not something I have ever really concerned myself with. Satan was just another monster, or an excuse people used to blame the evil deeds of people on something supernatural.

In my dream, I am sometimes able to escape Old Scratch, but most of the time I am caught. I can sometimes force myself awake after looking into his face (which doesn't look like your typical Satan from the movies but is always different and monstrous) or hearing his voice (a high pitched "soul shattering" almost mechanical whine). In these dreams I am always abandoned by family and friends. There is no help for me, I have no one to turn to. I am left to face whatever it is that happens to me, alone. When I do wake up my body aches, as if I was in a physical fight and I have a headache for the remainder of that day.

In the other dream, I am in love with a woman whose face I am never able to see. She has fair skin, and dark hair (usually short). When I am with her I am blissfully happy, happier than I have ever been. I know that this woman accepts me, flaws and all; she loves me unconditionally. She would do anything for me, and I would do anything for her. We argue, but there is never any malice or vindictiveness. We just want the best for one another and won't allow the other to settle for less. As that feeling of love really washes over me, it is at that point I wake up.

The details of the dream fades, and as the full weight of that realization that "it was all a dream" hits me; I am alone, there is no special woman in my life. The dream was a tease, a lie. There was no happiness, it never existed. And as that truth settles in, it crushes me.

Each and every time.

Earlier this week, I had another issue sleeping, being awake for about 2 days. Sleep finally came (in the form of a few hrs) which is about normal for me. So I know that one of the dreams is coming, if history is any indication.

The question is, which one?

A Disturbance In The Force...

This week a new teaser was released for the seventh movie in the Star Wars trilogy, Episode VII: The Force Awakens. It was a good teaser, doing what teasers are supposed to do, which is elicit excitement for the films release later this year. And pretty much everyone who watched it (if you can believe what you read on the internet and Twitter) was excited. 

My sister had a different perspective on the teaser.

Now, my sister is in her 30's and saw all of the movies in the original trilogy. She did like them, as far as I can remember. My sister also is a film fan, calling Goodfellas, Ghostbusters, Old School and the Christopher Nolan Batman Trilogy among some of her favorites. What follows is our conversation about the new trailer.

Sis: Did you see that they released the new Star Wars trailer?
Me: Yeah, I watched it a few times. I want to see more of the story, but it looks really good!
Sis: Yeah I guess... Did you see Harrison Ford?
Me: Yup. It was cool to see him as Han again.
Sis: He looks old as shit...
Me: (laughing a bit) What?
Sis: They should of put a beard on him or something... cause that muthafuka is old. And there's Chewie, standing next to him lookin' all regular...
Me: Well, are you gonna go see it when it comes out?
Sis: ffffuuuuuuck no. Taj (her son, my nephew) will want to see it and I might just drop him off and go see something else. 
Me: But you saw the other ones...
Sis: I didn't see the last 3 movies.
Me: No, the original 3 were episodes 4, 5 and 6... this is episode 7 so it happens right after Return of the Jedi.
Sis: Junal, I don't care about their lives... Luke all talking about the Force being strong in his family... SHUUUUT UUUUP. Maybe that's why his family dynamic is so jacked up. 

So if you were someone that was searching for a different perspective on the Star Wars hoopla, hopefully that helped.

The Illusion of Ownership

As a fan of many things (animation, film and TV, comics both book and novel) I was once very protective of the things that were adapted in other media. I liked the stories as they were, and when I was told that someone was going to re-make, re-boot or otherwise tamper with something that I liked, I would get a tad incredulous. “How dare they”, I would ask. “Why can’t they just use the story and things like they already are?” But at some point, I got over it and moved on from that line of thinking. Other folks, not so much.

The X-Men comics had been popular for years, well before the films of varying degrees of quality were released. The stories in the comic usually dealt with the X-Men saving the world or universe, bickering among themselves and also dealing with being “different” from the rest of the human race. The comic book’s popularity really took off in the ‘80s, Wolverine being the breakout character. His willingness to kill, and the mystery surrounding his back story made him one of the most popular characters in comics. As a result, it makes sense that Wolverine was brought front and center for the films. He was the focus of all 3 X-Men films, and even got two spin-off movies. But when the first film, X-Men was released fans of the original property had some issues:

“Why was Wolverine not in one of his classic costumes?”  

“Why was Cyclops so short? Shouldn't he be as tall as or taller than Jean Grey?”

“What’s up with Halle Berry’s wig?”

The Lord of the Rings stories had been in print for decades and was considered un-filmable. Many felt that the stories were too dense and the environments could never be reproduced to make a credible movie, let alone a series of them. But in 2001 the first movie of the trilogy, The Fellowship of the Ring was released and was very well received at the box office. The movie was praised for its visuals, the acting and just being able to adapt the story so well. But again, folks had some issues.

“Why was the location of the fight with the Ring Wraiths changed?

“Why is Aragorn bitchin’ about the throne?”

“What happened to Tom Babaldi?”

As Hollywood continues to adapt comic books, books and even video games into films, these types of complaints and second guessing will continue to come up a lot. For both of the examples above, the prevailing feeling seems to be if it was in the source material, that adaptation needs to include it as well. Costumes, minor conversations, “if it was in there when I first read it”, they say “then it needs to be there when I go to see your movie. And if it isn't you have ruined my experience and sullied the legacy of the original.”

 All of the complainers have another option, one that some of them seem to rarely exercise; if you are going to watch, then stop complaining. In the end, someone who is enjoying the new work may not care about how the story was told the first time. And if they do, thanks to the internet, they can look it up or just buy it. It is time for fans to accept that these stories don’t “belong” to you. And while the directors and studios may add various bits of “fan service” for the longtime fan, they don’t owe you anything.

But I have no doubt that folks will continue to complain. It’s human nature. After all, here I am complaining about people complaining. It’s the circle of life.

“Catches bullets with his teeth…!?” - Part 1

Back in 1985, the film The Last Dragon was unleashed on an unsuspecting public. No one needed this movie (well, maybe Vanity did… girls gotta eat, I guess) but there it was. Directed by Mike Schultz (yep the same guy that directed Cooley High) the movie follows martial artist Bruce Leroy as he searches for “the master”. During his quest he meets a VJ/singer (remember when "VJ" was a job?) named Laura Charles (played by Vanity)  that he has to protect from a crazy music promoter as well as deal with Sho'nuff, the Shogun of Harlem, who sees Leroy as an obstacle in his quest to be the true martial arts master.

Yeah, this movie had a lot going on.

During a conversation with a co-worker, this movie came up. She feels that Bruce Leroy is one of the great movie martial arts characters. I think she is crazy, but everyone is entitled to their opinion. This began a week long debate about who would win in a fight with Bruce Leroy.

Naturally I thought that this would make a good multi-part blog post.

The Last Dragon had some fight scenes, but was not rife with them. Being that this was the only appearance of Bruce Leroy, you really don't have much to go on. There were maybe 2 legitimate fights featuring Leroy in the film, so it is those scenes that will be used to support/disprove Leroy's status as either a "Master" or just some jerk.

So, without further delay...

Bruce Leroy vs. John Lawrence (from The Karate Kid, 1984)

Bruce Leroy:

This is the best fight in The Last Dragon. It is the climactic fight between Leroy (played by Taimak) and Sho'nuff (played by the late great Julius Carry) for all the marbles, music videos and whatever the hell else they were fighting for. This is the best example of Leroy's skill, so get used to seeing this during however long this series goes. 

Leroy wins, and was only able to do so when he finally got his shit  together and found "the Glow", better known as his self confidence. Mr. Nuff is defeated and Leroy goes on to be annoying another day.

John Lawrence:

Mr. Lawrence spent the majority of The Karate Kid beating the crap out of Ralph Macchio's Daniel Larusso for every reason known to man. There is even some debate that Johnny was going to kill Daniel after he was given an unwanted shower by Larusso when Johnny was trying to roll a joint. 

Ah, teenagers.

This video shows a semi-final match between Johnny (William Zabka)  and the poor bastard in his way to that championship, Daryl Vidal. The audio is in Spanish, but we are here to watch, not listen:

There is a reason that scene was less than 2 minutes long: Johnny is efficient.  He struck when an opening presented itself, and proceeded to lay the smack down on that kid like a surgeon. Yeah, Johnny lost in the finals, but that's because this is Hollywood, not real life. 

The Verdict:

Johnny wins easily. As Bruce looks for the Glow the whole time, Johnny is busy dolling out a complete ass whipping in about 3-4 minutes. Johnny doesn't have an issue with self confidence, so he is glowing like a small sun that should be burning Leroy's retinas. After dispatching Bruce Leroy, he then takes Vanity out to a nice dinner and regales her with tales of how he once beat up a kid from New Jersey that thought he could learn Karate from a janitor in a month.

YOU LOSE, LEROY.

NEXT:

Bruce Leroy

VS.

Nico Toscani

And the Nominees are....

September 28th is the deadline to submit nominations for the National Film Registry. Submission is simple, and you can find instructions on how to do this here. Any film that you nominate has to be “culturally, historically, or aesthetically significant" and at least 10 years old. Now as to the culturally, historically or aesthetically significant status of your selection, I believe that is more of a personal thing (as films are a form of art) so the film that you feel fits that criteria, someone else may look at as just pop culture nostalgia or worse. Take a look at the films in the registry and judge for yourself. But I say if there is a film that you feel needs to be preserved, nominate away. You can submit a total of 50 nominations (per year) and since the deadline is so close, the 50 titles I have submitted are located below. I have taken them from a list of films not yet nominated, that can be found here. And yes, I have seen all of these movies, some of them multiple times.

 1. Mark of Zorro (1920)

 2. The Gay Divorcee (1934)

 3. Captain Blood (1935)

 4. After the Thin Man (1936)

 5. Topper (1937)

 6. Harvey (1950)

 7. Duck Dodgers in the 24 1/2th Century (1953)

 8. Guys and Dolls (1955)

 9. Ali Baba Bunny (1957)

10. The Blob (1958)

11. The Magnificent Seven (1960)

12. The Great Escape (1963)

13. It’s a Mad Mad Mad Mad World (1963)

14. A Shot in the Dark (1964)

15. The Dirty Dozen (1967)

16. A Clockwork Orange (1971)

17. Dirty Harry (1972)

18. Superfly (1972)

19. Serpico (1973)

20. Texas Chainsaw Massacre (1974)

21. Marathon Man (1976)

22. Superman (1978)

23. The Warriors (1979)

24. Blues Brothers (1980)

25. Escape from New York (1981)

26. Evil Dead (1981)

27. 48 Hours (1982)

28. Star Trek II: Wrath of Khan (1982)

29. A Christmas Story (1983)

30. Beverly Hills Cop (1984)

31. Ghostbusters (1984)

32. Sixteen Candles (1984)

33. The Breakfast Club (1985)

34. Aliens (1986)

35. Top Gun (1986)

36. Lethal Weapon (1987)

37. The Princess Bride (1987)

38. Die Hard (1988)

39. Batman (1989)

40. A Few Good Men (1992)

41. Reservoir Dogs (1992)

42. Jurassic Park (1993)

43. Pulp Fiction (1994)

44. Clerks (1994)

45. Usual Suspects (1995)

46. Saving Private Ryan (1998)

47. Fight Club (1999)

48. South Park: Bigger, Longer and Uncut (1999)

49. The Matrix (1999)

50. The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring (2001)

The Wife

I will soon be celebrating my third wedding anniversary. Oh, I’m sorry if you missed the wedding. I did too. My, how crazy life gets.

I am speaking of my work wife of course (that is her picture on the left). It turns out that I had a previous marriage (that I also had no idea about) that ended when Advanta closed and that particular wife got married for real. But when I last spoke to that former wife, she says that we are still married and the current work wife is just a usurper.

Yes, it does sound ridiculous. Thanks for understanding.

I have no idea where the work spouse idea came from or how it was that I ended up married. There were no drugs or shotguns involved, and I understand that those are the normal tools used in getting someone to marry. I know for a fact that I have not had sex with either of these women, but I hear that is normal for married folk, so I can’t really site that as a precedent. What I can say is that my current wife situation at least happened gradually.

I first met her during my interview for where I work now. She was very professional in her introduction, and had a nice smile. She only asked me a couple of questions and then she talked... a lot. It was all information about the job, not just idle chit chat. And since she is gorgeous, she could have been telling me I had two hours to live for all I cared.

After I got the job, I learned that she sat right behind me. This would have been great if I had plans to try and “talk” to her, but I had no grand designs on making her mine or anything stupid like that. She was friendly and funny and despite my already knowing several people that worked here it was good to have someone close by that I could ask questions. As the weeks and months went on I got to know her better and began to consider her a friend. We did what friends and co-workers do; spot one another for lunch, grab a soda or something from the vending machine for the other person and take occasional cheap shots when joking around, nothing out of the norm. For the longest time I thought she was dating someone else in the office since they were so close. I had no idea she was seeing someone outside of work. But at some point after I was introduced to the long term boyfriend something happened...

One day she asked me for money to get chips or candy so I gave it her like normal. But instead of just “thanks” it was “thanks honey”. Didn’t really think anything of it but the honey began to be accompanied by I love you then next thing I know the word husband entered the mix. If I bought another woman something and not her I got yelled at in English and Spanish. I had no idea when things changed... and I also learned that there was no way out. It was like I had been inducted into the CIA or the mob... I was in this until my death. If she needs money, she comes over and just puts her hand out. She tells me when she is hungry and I am supposed to fix that. When she wants to go out to get something to eat for breakfast or lunch she comes to my desk and says “come on I’m hungry”. If I am talking or walking with another woman and she sees me she asks (loudly)” what are you doing with that heifer?” Of course, the yelling is just her way of kidding around. I know that she could care less as to whom I talk to, walk with or any of that. I also hope that the way she asks for money is her joking too, because if not I need someone to help de-program me, and quickly.

I suppose that as fake marriages go, things could be worse. But I could still do with less fake sex. If I could get that changed this might be the best marriage ever.

Once It's Out There...

A few years ago, I was asked to help out a friend by doing something that I had never done before.  Now, to say that I was apprehensive was an understatement.  I would be taking (for me at that time) a big chance, putting myself out there in a way that I never had before.  I was opening myself up for all kinds of abuse and judgment, which could have destroyed me. But a friend needed my help, and though I was a terrible person 85% of the time back then, I helped out.  

I agreed to be an actor in his student film.

I have always been a bit of a movie nut, and this was a chance to see things from the other side of the camera, to coin a phrase. It was enlightening. I understood a little better how things worked, and saw how hard it can be. The experience gave me a healthier respect for what my friend Eric did, and also made me want to kill him and his co-director/writer Rob. So, it was a typical movie shoot, from the things I have read.

One of the other friends I worked with on this movie was Ed, who sadly passed away a few years ago. I had known Ed for a few years when we made this movie. He was a bastard at times (so was I), and for all of the years that we knew each other, there were instances that we wanted to kill each other. When I watched the film again, it brought back a lot of memories of him… some good and some not so good, but that’s how life is. But that’s how it is supposed to be with brothers.  He was the other brother that I never wanted, but got anyway.

I post this link to share the movie with folks who haven’t seen it in a while and share it with others that never saw it.  Not like it wasn’t on the internet anyway, plus I feel that the rest of you need to be subjected to the horror that was my “acting”. I’m a bastard that way.